Not in this life

When I look upon my life

I see nothing but suffering

The bits of joy that I can recall

Are not strong enough

To maintain me

I think very deeply about my past

At the time that I ignore my present

And I dream another life

Maybe the only thing that keep me alive

Is my cat and the way she meoaws,

she pronuonce my name

"Amiau"

And for a lot of people

That may be very pathetic

I don´t mind

I understand them

How in the world a simple cat

Can hold this raw power

Of maintaining a human life with a meow

Desire may be

My biggest escape rope

I´m not quite qualified to understand it

At i´ts best

But I feel it

I really, really feel it

Desire, in every aspect

Is my core driver

When did it happened?

How did it happened?

Why it started?

Who started it?

I'm thinking of my younger years

When as a little, innocent kid

Someone stole something from me

I thought it was a game

Like turning your back

And expecting something magical or a surprise

Like when someone steals your nose

and is nothing but their thumb;

Not having any

And instead

Having a sense of fear and sadness

Is what defined the rest of my existence

I'm lonely, but with my cat

She`s 23

She likes to meow my name

And maybe, when she dies

I will too